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I think you should consider a more free verse type of poem. Your rhyming patterns are odd, the rhythm is extremely off...and you need to incorporate some more images or ...

she bought a translation book at barnes and noble, i think..and some self-teaching CD. that's all i can say to help you. sorry.

The words and phrases stab me hard, My throbbing heart starts to bleed. But deep within my heart of love, I know this is what I need. this is the ...

First of all, a very important tip - don't captilize at the start of a line, unless it's starting a new sentance. i think that's how you're supposed to do ...

I agree most with Caligula's Launderette's critique. it's an interesting method, as well, and much easier to critique with paper. now if only my printer wasn't so screwed up.... this ...

the world in your sight is not but glorious peace. these lines are awkward, and I think that's because of the strict rules on the syllables in haikus and the ...

This was a good poem - it certainly had a touching meaning. I'm only slightly disappointed because it doesn't have the beautiful imagery from all your other poems. But beggars ...

The poem doesn't strike deep emotion in my heart, but I love the POEM, itself. I'm head over heels for the rhyming pattern and the rhythm (which is a bit ...

You seem to make this simplest moments so vivid and abstract and detailed - you can turn a flashing moment into a work of art. Please keep on.

This wasn't bad. But you used the actual WORDS that you would use when having a conversation to which you were speaking to, according with line-breaks, so I didn't really ...

pretty good. just some minor mistakes: Not enought to hold on to Just something you can throw away when the experation date comes around spelling mistakes in here. that were ...

Random, but I must concur - it's amusing, and an interesting tidbit of history. Thanks. *is flipping through a gigantic Shakespeare novel to find act 1 of Julius Caesar*

I am you… Don’t you recognize me? I am your mind. gah! this poem was so good...but that ending was a bit..er..cliche? (i really have to come up with a ...

Just before you read this - know I'm NOT comparing myself to Jesus. That's not the point. :? A flowing string of cocoa beans and the gushing taste of vineyard ...

I usually don't use that evil, overused word...but I have to. AH! Cliche. But, like always, I cover up for the poet. We can't help it - it's not like ...